Guilty Little Pleasure
by The Goddess Annabeth
Summary: 'I should have counted myself lucky that Sam wanted to be with me. But I didn't want this. I wanted us to be a real couple. I didn't want to hide my love for her from anyone. I was her guilty little pleasure and nothing more.' Cam, with very light Seddie.
1. Chapter 1

_Guilty Little Pleasure_

_Genres: Angst/Romance/Drama/Hurt/Comfort  
_

**A/N: Hey people! This is my first ever Cam story, so please go easy on me :) If you don't like Seddie, then just ignore it because it's only slight and the main ship on this is Cam. R&R.**

_Carly's POV_

It took me fifteen years to know who I really was**. **

And when I finally found out, I never told anybody.

I was attracted to the opposite sex. I didn't think it was my fault. I couldn't help who I liked. That's how I was born, wasn't it?

When I was fifteen, I accepted the fact that I was gay. But I didn't expect anyone else to. It was my little secret.

I didn't accept it right away. Of course once I found out, I tried to change the way I was. I dated basically ever guy I could get my hands on and even kissed a few of them. I always tried my best to look the part of the girliest girl in school. Of course not all lesbians are tomboyish, but it was stereotype that I was eager to avoid.

I tried to be straight until I was seventeen. I just decided that I liked who I was and was done trying to please others. But that didn't mean I wanted anyone knowing. So I thought to myself, Yes. I am gay. So what? I am who I am. But at the same time, was coming out worth the abuse?

I didn't want to end up shunned. Hated. Picked on. Driven to suicide like most gay teens. I didn't want to be considered 'gross', or 'abnormal,' or 'sick' for liking someone who was a girl too.

So I said nothing.

I'll just keep it to myself and live my life happily until I graduate high school, possibly college, I thought. And then I'll come out to a few of my friends and maybe Spencer (If I was sure he wouldn't go ballistic).

But it didn't happen that way.

I realized I was in love with Sam when I was just a few weeks away from turning eighteen. I have been in love with her all along. But it took me this long to know. We've been best friends since age six, almost twelve years. She's always been by my side. Always knew me better than anyone else. Growing even more beautiful as the years went by. Her gold hair getting longer and curlier. Her curves growing more pronounced. She was unbelievable beautiful. So much that it astonished me that any human could be.

And she was smart. Street smart. Had her own sense of style. And she was my total opposite in personality. I always wondered why I was her best friend. We were too different. Why did I become immediate friends with her instead of someone else? Even Melanie, her twin sister should have satisfied me. Looking just like her beautiful sister, but with a softer attitude that matched mine.

But no, I only felt the butterflies in my stomach when I was with Sam. I only felt sparks around Sam. I wanted Sam Puckett and her only.

I dated a girl who I met online. In secret of course. We were both in the closet actually.

Her name was Kelsie Shores and she was the perfect distraction from my fake 'straight' life. She reminded me of Sam in looks. Yellow ringlets and shining blue eyes. A slim, curvy body. Not as perfect as Sam was. Not in the slightest. But a sure second.

We went to a Friday night club together the night that Sam discovered I was gay.

She and I were making out in the girls bathroom when Sam unexpectedly came in.

At first, she and I stared blankly at each other.

She ignored me for weeks after that. It was as if she and I were strangers. I didn't try and become friends again because I was too ashamed. I was a freak of nature in her eyes.

I broke up with Kelsie immediately after Sam ran away from the sight of us kissing that very night in the restroom. Kelsie looked frightened at how roughly I spoke to her and left quickly.

I never saw her again.

Freddie didn't know what was going on between me and Sam. But I guess Sam talked him into ignoring me too. He wouldn't even look in my direction.

I hated myself.

I was gay.

I had no friends.

I had no girlfriend.

I lost everything.

I was so young then. Just about to start college. Little did I know that Sam felt something for me to and she was only afraid to show it. Little did I know that I would get the relationship with Sam that I always wanted. Loving and peaceful. And little did I know that it was going to come with a price.

**A/N: Sorry that the first chapter was kind of short, but it's supposed to be like an introduction type thing. The next chapter will be way longer. Review if you want more!**


	2. Chapter 2

_Guilty Little Pleasure_

_Genres: Angst/Romance/Drama/Hurt/Comfort  
_

**A/N: Hey there! Thanks to everyone who reviewed the previous chapter! It meant a lot to me. Hope you like this one, too! Btw, the rating may go up to M in future chapters, so be on the look out for that!  
**

_Carly's POV_

Life didn't feel like it was worth living. I felt as if I had no life to live.

No friends. Nobody who cared. Nobody who knew my secret was there to support me.

I don't want a life like this. I missed the time I used to spend with Sam and Freddie, doing iCarly. I miss having them around in my apartment all day every day. The jokes, the laughter, the fun. I hated my miserable life now.

The feeling hurts. But I wasn't quite into the idea of killing myself. Not yet. After all, only Sam knew who I really was. I could make other friends, right? I was going to college soon. I hear college life is different than high school. Maybe people would be more accepting?

But thoughts of the future were painful. A Sam and Freddie-less future. Who cared about growing up and moving on? What was the point of living if you had nothing to live for?

Sam's been my best friend for more than half of my life. Now, because she found out I was a lesbian, none of what we went through together in the past mattered anymore. Like it never happened. Our friendship was most likely over. It's just so unfair!

It makes me sad and a little angry that Sam would throw all of that away just because of my sexual preference. Even if we became friends again, which is highly unlikely, I would never be able to tell her how I feel about her. She's already freaked by the fact that I like girls. She'll avoid me like the plague if she knew that I had feelings for her.

I thought these thoughts as I lay in bed, late Friday night. After a hard day at school with both Sam and Freddie pretending that I don't exist, the only person I had to talk to was Gibby. Gibby's a sweet guy, but it's not the same as having my best friends. Right after school I did some homework, ate dinner, and went straight to bed at eight o'clock. I have been laying wide awake since my head hit the pillow.

Nine o'clock, and I'm still not tired. Might as well do some more homework. I switch on the room light, and write half of my six page history paper on the Great Depression and how it affects America today.

Ten o'clock, I abandoned my work. My hand was starting to cramp up and my throat was getting dry. I got a glass of water and went back to bed. I still couldn't sleep. I started reading my book report book choice, ' The Story of My Life.' I dozed off after about twenty minutes.

Eleven o'clock and I jumped at the sound of my book hitting the floor. It must have fallen out of my hand as I slept, I realized. Now I wasn't the least bit tired. Trying to go back to sleep didn't appeal to me at all, so I got a blanket and went out to the couch in the living room, switching on some late night news, and flopped down comfortably against the cushions. Having the sound from the TV really helped get my mind off of any other thought in my head and I was once again well on my way to sleep.

A little after midnight, I work up shivering. Somehow in the night, my blanket had rolled off of me. I picked it up and wrapped myself in it, trying hard to get comfortable again. After ten minutes of trying to sleep again, my feet were still ice cold and my neck was starting to hurt. I gave up trying to sleep. It's no use. Everybody knows anyway that the best way to get to sleep was to try not to. I turned off the TV and headed back to my room. My bed was cold and it took me a minute or so to warm up. I stretched out comfortably, thinking of what I could do instead of sleep.

I turned over to my left side. The digital clock now read 2:09 a.m.

I groaned and turned over again. I wish I could go back to the days when I was never bored at night. Sam was almost always here on nights when I couldn't sleep and she would keep me company. It was always the sound of her voice that put me to bed. Whether she was telling me about her favorite new action movie, or talking aloud about ham in her sleep.

The thought of the best friend that I once had brought tears to my eyes. I cried myself into a slow, light sleep.

_I dreamed of Sam and all of her glory. Who else's hair was as long, gold, and shiny? Like a fairytale princess. Who else could match her petite body shape and short stature? Her body so slender. Her legs long and creamy, her milky thighs. Her flat, tight stomach, and who could forget her perfect chest? The way it jutted out perfectly, flattering the rest of her. They were two flawless beauties. I loved Sam's hourglass figure. Her waist was so small and slim, but her hips would curve out gently._

_I wanted Sam. Just to see her. I wish she never caught me with Kelsie. I wish she and I had stayed friends. I wish she was here and that I could convince her that I wasn't a lesbian. I was normal. I liked boys. _

_I needed her. _

I awoke with a start.

What was that noise?

My room door was creaking open softly and I could see a shadow in the hallway light. No mistaking it. It was Sam's shadow.

I sat up slowly. "S-Sam?" I said, surprised at how weak my voice sounded.

She stepped into the room then, her dark figure casting a long shadow at the foot of my bed.

"Carly..." She was going to say more. But stopped. Her hair fell all over the place, I could see. I couldn't fully view her in the dark. I switched on my bed side lamp.

She uncertainly moved to my bedside.

My heart jumped when I saw that it was indeed Sam. She looked a little frightened as she came up to me.

I took in the sight of my breathtaking best friend. She wore what she typically would. Shorts, sneakers, about three different shirts, and a jacket. Even all of the clothes she wore could never hide her delicious figure. Her hair cascaded wildly down her back and her bangs were messy. She had a troubled look on her face.

We stared at each other for a good minute. Sam, clearly afraid, as I watched her with my lips slightly parted.

"Sam!" I said in a whisper."Y-You came back?"

"Yes." She said, her voice unsteady.

"Sam...why?" I got out of bed to stand directly in front of her. "After ignoring me and making my life hell, why do you care enough to apologize now?"

"I-I" She started.

"What?" I practically yelled.

"I felt guilty." She finished.

"Well you should." I said, wanting to be mad, but somehow, I really wasn't. Seeing her now made me love her even more after all of this time apart. What she did to me was unforgivable. But of course, good girl Carly Shay has to be...well, good. I felt sorry for Sam, standing here looking terrified, wanting my forgiveness.

"I got into an argument with my mom..." She began. "So, I was thinking it might be okay if I crash here?"

I looked at her in disbelief. "_That's_ why you came to apologize to me? You have nowhere else to stay for the night?"

"That's not why." She said, insulted. "I was going to come and apologize anyway. If it weren't for getting into a fight with my mom, I actually would have come over sooner."

She ran her fingers through her hair nervously."I'm sorry for avoiding you." She continued breathlessly. "But, I was just..."

"Grossed out by me?" I interrupted. "Afraid that I'm some sort of sick weirdo? We're best friends! That's not going to change no matter what and you should know that!"

"I was going to say, just shocked."

"Just shocked, huh?" I said, folding my arms. "So shocked that you forgot that we were best friends? That shocked?"

"No..." She shifted from left to right. "I mean, I was sort of freaked-"

"Of course."

"Carls, let me finish. I just wasn't used to the idea of my best friend being a..." She paused.

"A what, Sam? Lesbian isn't a curse word. It's not something dirty. Why can't you just say it?"

"_Lesbian_." She said finally. "I just thought you were like most girls. Straight, I mean."

"Why would you assume that?" I said, annoyed.

"You know this isn't entirely my fault. You've made it seem like you were straight all along. Always going out with guys, never girls. Wouldn't you be surprised if you found out I was a lesbian?"

I blushed, ashamed by the fact that I would be quite overjoyed if I found out Sam was a lesbian.

"Well, even if I was surprised, I wouldn't ignore you that's for sure. Friendship comes with trust, Sam. Even if I knew you were a lesbian, I'd know you'd never...try anything."

She ran her hands over her face, issuing a load groan. "Okay, I admit it! I was a little bit grossed out and I didn't trust you. But I'm sorry! For everything! I shouldn't have ignored you, I shouldn't have made Freddie ignore you, I shouldn't have run away like that. I feel like a complete idiot and I wish I could make it so it all never happened! But there's no way to undo it, so all I can do now is apologize and hope to God that you'll find it in the goodness of your heart to forgive me!" She looked as if she would cry.

It was an honest apology. Why stay mad now?

I moved to hug her. She hugged me back tight, almost sobbing into my shoulder. "I'm so sorry, Carly!" She said through her tears.

"Shhh... it's okay, Sam. I forgive you." I pulled back, tenderly wiping the tears off of her beautiful face with my thumb.

"You have every right to hate me." She said.

"I don't hate you." I said gently, guiding her to my closet.

"Pick out some pajamas." I told her. "Want some hot chocolate? I'll go make us some." I offered.

She laughed as she wiped away the last of her tears. "It never ceases to amaze me that you can be so nice to someone who treats you the way that I did."

I laughed too. "That's just who I am, I guess." I said.

I hurried down to the kitchen, where I made our hot drinks. I carried them up on a tray back into my bedroom. Sam was sitting on the bed in a pair of my more recent pajamas. I sat down beside her and handed her a cup of hot chocolate.

She took a long, careful sip before turning to me. "I missed you." She said, regret in her voice.

"I missed you, too. More than you'll ever know. Besides you and Freddie, I don't really have friends, so it's been dull around here."

"Sorry." She said again.

"Come on, I already said it was okay. Let's talk about something else." I shifted, facing her on the bed. "What were you and your mom fighting about this time?"

"Oh, that. Apparently she's ditching me to go to Vegas this weekend. I was telling her that if she left, that I would have nowhere to stay."

"Stay here." I said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"Really?" She said. "You'd let me stay here all weekend?"

"Don't forget, you used to practically live in my house when we were kids."

Now that we were ending our senior year in high school, we saw much less of each other. Sam wasn't over as often as she used to be, even before the fight.

"Thanks, Carls."

"Don't mention it."

"So, what's been going on with you in my absence?" She said. "Met any cute guy- uh... I mean... people...um, uh...girls?"

I laughed. "Sam, just because I'm a lesbian doesn't mean I don't think guys are cute. "

She looked puzzled. "But wouldn't that make you, like, bisexual?"

I rolled me eyes. "Nooo. I'm a lesbian because I only like being in actual relationships with girls. I don't want to be with any guys. Ever. But it's not like they've lost their outer appeal." I shrugged.

"Oh." She said, clearly embarrassed by this conversation.

"What about you? Met any cute guys you like lately?"

She shook her head. "Nah. I've just been hangin with the dork."

"Oh." I said, embarrassed too.

Our conversations were most likely going to be pretty awkward from now on. Of course it was no different for me, I was used to Sam liking guys. Since I liked girls, I didn't want Sam to be uncomfortable talking with me about guys, too.

Sam heaved a big yawn.

"Tired?" I said.

"A little."

"Let's go to bed. " I suggested.

"Sounds good." She agreed. We both set our cups down and started for the bed. I grabbed one end of the comforter at the same time she grabbed her end.

We paused at the same moment. Her eyes meeting mine.

"What's wrong?" I said.

"Nothing." She replied, hopping in, tossing the covers over her body. I climbed in beside her, butterflies floating around in my stomach. Sam and I hadn't slept in the same bed together since we were, like fourteen. Before I knew I was a lesbian. It felt weird to be in the bed with another girl now.

Sam was determined to trust me, though. She scooted closer to me and gave me a quick hug.

"You're an awesome friend." Her words gave me the chills.

I smiled. This was how my life should be. Somehow I had gotten my wish. I had Sam back. We were friends again.

I should have been content, sleeping comfortable in my bed with the girl that I was in love with. But still, I wasn't satisfied.

I had feelings for Sam and I wanted to tell her.

"Sam..." I said in a whisper, shaking her shoulder gently.

"Wha? What's the matter, Carls?" Her voice was slurred from sleep and her eyes were still shut.

"I, uh..." I stammered, nervous.

Should I tell her how I feel about her now?

No, I decided. We were friends again, and that was enough for now. There's only so much news Sam could take, anyway.

"Never mind." I said. But she was already fast asleep again.

* * *

**A/N: Sorry for taking too long to update. School's been hard to keep up with this year. Leave a review!**


	3. Chapter 3

_Guilty Little Pleasure_

_Genres: Angst/Romance/Drama/Hurt/Comfort  
_

**A/N: Sorry for taking so long to update, I can't believe it's been eight months :/ It's really a bad habit of mine that I swear to break.  
**

_Carly's POV_

_Forgiveness was only the start to what would be our relationship. Not a very happy one, mind you. Not the kind of relationship with Sam that I wanted since the age of fifteen. It was our first semester in college and Sam was my roommate. I asked her if she was okay with this countless times, of course I tried to be sensitive that Sam probably wasn't completely comfortable around me yet, but she insisted that she was fine with it. I was grateful she wasn't treating me any differently than before, but still I didn't completely have my friend back..._

_"_Sam," I said, as I stared at my sullen reflection in the bathroom mirror in our dorm room. "Do you think I'm weird?"

Sam, who was getting dressed in the bedroom came into the bathroom, now fully dressed and joined me in front of the mirror. She gave me a funny look.

"Huh?"

"I mean... do I seem... I don't know - _average_?"

Sam looked on the verge of laughter. I was insulted. She could obviously tell because she forced herself to look serious.

"Average how?"

"Average like boring. Normal. Just another face on in the crowd."

"What kind of question is this?"

"Just answer me," I cried frustrated, running my hands through my already-messy hair. I put my face closer to the mirror and poked at my stomach.

"Look I'm too skinny. I'm not tight muscled like you." I was immediately embarrassed by what I said, but Sam didn't seem to notice or care.

She just shrugged. "Join a gym."

I glared at her, turning to the side. "I'm so flat chested," I complained, cupping the tiny buds of my breasts."I'm eighteen years old and I have the body of a twelve-year old."

"You could always get plastic surgery," She joked. I ignored her. "What's wrong with me? Why am I so plain looking?"

"Okay hold on there. You are so not plain looking," Sam said seriously. "Who cares if you don't have boobs or...muscle tone? There are plenty of other beautiful things about you. Nobody else has your creamy flawless skin-"

"Which totally needs a tan," I interrupted.

"- Or your model cheekbones."

"I guess..." I said, just a little flattered.

"And I like your small boobs-" She stopped. I know she didn't mean it the way she said it, but I blushed all the same."I mean, I think they suite you. You've always been the sweet little innocent one and a smaller chest makes you look that way."

"But I wish I looked like you," I sighed. "Sporty and sexy." Again, I felt stupid for saying such things aloud, and again Sam didn't seem to notice.

"Who wants to look like me?" She approached her own reflection in the mirror."I hate my hair." I turned away from her reflection and faced the real Sam behind me, stunned.

"Your hair is perfect! Do you know how much trouble I go through to make mine bounce? Yours is naturally curly. Mines all straight and limp. And it's so...brown. Brown is boring like mud."

"I've always wanted darker hair," Sam said, tugging an golden curl and letting it flop back down to her head. "I think darker suites me better. It's more...laid back, nonchalant, you know? Plus, brown's the color of gravy."

"No way!" I interrupted."You wouldn't be the same without your wild blond locks! You look absolutely beautiful even when you just roll out of bed. I have to spend half the morning making myself look all 'perfect' so that girls will even bother to look at me."

Sam gave me a disbelieving look.

"I'm serious! If I didn't straighten my hair and put on loads of make up I wouldn't get a second glance."

"Don't say that," Sam said quietly. "You are so perfect just the way you are, you have no idea." I felt tears forming in my eyes. I stared at Sam. "Do you really mean that?" She smiled.

"Yes I do. I'd trade bodies with you any day."

I snorted. "I doubt it. You're perfect."

"Far from perfect, Cupcake," She assured me."Now why don't we go on to class?"

"If we leave now, we'll be early. You've never been early for a class. Ever." I reminded her.

"First time for everything," She shrugged.

"But I haven't done anything to my hair yet." I fretted.

"Oh, who cares. I haven't touched mine either. I'd say we both look okay."

I sighed, turning to the side once again, cupping my breasts.

"Would you stop with that?" Sam sounded annoyed now. "You're boobs are nice."

I couldn't help my eyes averting to her chest. Plump, large, and perfect underneath her t-shirt. Sam looked down at herself folding her arms over her breasts.

"Stop comparing yourself to me. They're not much bigger than yours."

I sighed again and cupped my chest harder. Maybe it wasn't too late for them to grow?

"Oh, God." Sam threw her hands up in frustrated. "You just won't listen to me will you." She moved to stand behind me.

"Take off your shirt." She commanded.

I froze, stunned. _'Take off your shirt,' _she'd said.

Sam had said it. She had said it to me. I could hardly keep my breath steady and my heart from racing as I obeyed. I had no idea what she had in mind. Just that Sam Puckett wanted my shirt off and I wasn't going to argue.

I carefully lifted my shirt over my head and held it against my pale stomach. Sam's eyes raked my chest and I felt goosebumps start to rise on my arms and torso.

Heat rushed to my face and I raised my eyebrows at my friend. "Well?" I asked finally, beginning to feel a bit insecure. I folded my arms over my chest (which she was still studying) and that got her attention.

"Bra too."

"What!" I gasped. My face undoubtedly red now.

"Take off your bra."

"Sam-!"

In one swift movement, she had wrestled me to the ground, turned me over, and undid the clasp of my bra.

I had my bare chest against the bathroom tile. I looked up at her, eyes wide as she held up my tiny black bra with a look of gleeful victory.

"What the hell, Sam!" I yelled, too embarrassed to get up.

"I have an idea. You know my mom's fake boobs?"

"Sam, I don't need fake boobs to get attention," I said, insulted.

"Well, just a second ago you said you hated yours!"

"Yeah, but that was before! I don't wanna go around with plastic giggling around in my bra."

Sam cracked up at that one. "Ha ha, giggling plastic. Can plastic giggle anyway, Carls?"

I rolled my eyes and got up off the floor, snatching my bra from Sam's hands.

I ignored the fact that I was standing there, bare chested in front of the girl I was in love with. She didn't feel the same way about me anyway and she wasn't even a lesbian. She didn't even give my chest a measly glance. She just laughed at me as I put my bra back on.

"This might be fun for you..." I grumbled.

I reached my arm back to do my bra clasp and gasped when I felt Sam's fingers meet mine. Heat rushed to my face and I let my hair fall forward to cover my intense blush.

"I got it," She said.

"Thanks." I said when I could finally breathe again. When Sam finished, I slipped my shirt back over my head and gazed at myself in the mirror.

"Do you really think I look okay?"

"Let's just go to class already!"

* * *

We met Freddie and Gibby (who were roommates in the same building as us) for lunch that afternoon. Sam wanted to go for ribs and when Sam's in the mood for ribs, there's no changing her mind, though I was sort of in the mood for a salad.

I sat across from her, beside Gibby, as I watched her eat. At eighteen years of age, Sam was still the same old Sam. She had barbecue sauce on her face as she sloppily chowed down. I winced as I watched her.

"Sam, can I get you a napkin?" I offered.

"Nah, I'm good." She smirked, rubbing her hands on Freddie's polo.

He just rolled his eyes and continued eating. I was shocked. I thought he would have yelled at her at least.

"These ribs are sooo good!" Sam groaned.

Freddie looked at her with a smile. "You have some sauce-" He lifted a finger to swipe the bit of barbecue off the corner of her mouth. "Right there..." He turned away as he licked the sauce off his finger.

I glared at him, but he didn't seem to see me. I raised my glass of water to my lips with shaking hands.

That was nothing, I told myself. Freddie can't like Sam. She's always mean to him. He was just wiping sauce off her face, that's all.

"I didn't notice how late it was!" Gibby suddenly exclaimed, jumping up from his chair. "I have to go. Tasha and I are supposed to hit the movies. Later my peeps!"

"See ya, Gibs!" I waved.

"Can you believe Gibby and Tasha are still dating after all these years?" Sam said once Gibby was gone.

"Come on, Gibby's nice. And sweet, and..." Sam and Freddie glared at me and I shut up.

"So, uh, what about you guys?" Freddie asked, suddenly not looking at us.

"What?" I questioned.

"We're freshmen in college! You've got to be thinking about getting boyfriends, aren't you?"

He looked slowly at Sam, who was still focused on her ribs.

I still hadn't told Freddie that I was a lesbian. It's not that I felt he wasn't trustworthy, it's just that I felt I wasn't ready for him to know yet.

Freddie was still eying Sam and I was beginning to get a little more suspicious.

"Uh, no. Not me. You know me- I'm all about the schoolwork my first year here," I said quickly.

"Oh. Sam?"

"I could care less about schoolwork. When Mama finds the right man, I'm all for dating instead of studying."

"Cool." He grinned at her before returning to his lunch.

I stared at Freddie with a raised eyebrow. Now I know something's up...

* * *

**A/N: Okay, so I know this was short, but I just wanted to hurry up and update this. It's been to long and I want you guys to know that I haven't forgotten this story. In fact, I have major plans for it. It's going to be very, very drama filled, that's for sure. As I said before, this is NOT a Seddie story. This is strictly Cam. **

**But there is definitely something going on and it seems like Freddie may have feelings for Sam which is seriously pissing off Carly. Hmm...what will happen next? Review and tell me what you're thinking. I promise the next chapter will be up WAY sooner than this was.**


End file.
